God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
