He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it's like heaven, but drunker
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
