I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
