...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
