I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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