Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
