a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
