I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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