I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
