Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
4 words: hood of his car
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
