allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
