mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
