Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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