I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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