Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
