I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
