I look better un-naked...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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