college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
