Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
