I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
