I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
