Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
