God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Houston, we have a squirter
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
