My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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