I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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