I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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