is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
