singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
