I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
