I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
