made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
