my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
