How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
