You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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