At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
