Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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