youre lurking in front of me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
