he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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