We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
