fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
