some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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