I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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