I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
