I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
