I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
