Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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