There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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