Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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