You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
