phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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