I cannot find my penis.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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