Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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