everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
