i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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