Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
