Ketchup is God's man juice
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
