I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
