She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So here I am, sexting at work.
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