I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
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