My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
