it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize