I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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