I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
