I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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