i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
