Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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