We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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