I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
