The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
