I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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