yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
as a side note pls kill me
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