Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So. Much. Porn.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
